JC SiLent:You cant be that far away from me ; if we're looking on the same side of the moon
Monday, September 04, 2006
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore, you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better so that you may buy nicer clothes; therefore, you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are where you need to be and therefore, you do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
SURGERY
Operations are banned. As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. Do not consider having anything removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.
Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a photograph will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company.
We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
& 2:27 pm
http://www.care-bears.com/CareBears/html/fungames/whichbear.html/
this is the link to "which care bear are you?
Love-a-lot Bear believes in the power of love, but is not afraid to help it along. She's a pretty and perky bear who loves everything about love and tries to make it grow wherever she goes. Love-a-lot Bear loves her tummy symbol too—two hearts!
Caring Mission: She helps spread love.
Symbol: Love-a-lot Bear's two intertwined hearts stand for the closeness and loyalty of true love.
Personality: Spunky and energetic.
Character Quirk: Like cupid's arrow, she can create a crush in no time. She can bring the most unlikely couples together. [hope it will not create a mess]
Color: Pink.
Best Friend: Friend Bear
Relationship Challenge: She has a bit of a crush herself, on Tenderheart Bear.
Motto: Love will find a way, and if it doesn't, I will!
[i am nt so smart capable and powerful to do so]
& 12:30 pm