JC SiLent:You cant be that far away from me ; if we're looking on the same side of the moon
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
A man's guide to surviving PMS - newspaper article
If women can endure cramps and headaches once a month, we should be man enough to face up to it too
By Tommy Wee
I'VE just recovered from an excruciating bout of food poisoning. This may be too much information, but I spent so much time in the toilet that I've developed a fear of cramped places. As if a numbing fever wasn't enough, my stomach was racked by a gnawing ache. I was crippled by the pain and lay whimpering in bed. I had the wind, literally, taken out of my sails.
But when I recounted this to a friend, she rolled her eyes, shrugged and said: 'That's nothing. Women go through stomach cramps like that every month.'
I can see why she used to beat up boys when she was younger. I was floored by her nonchalance.
It also made me realise that women must have a higher threshold for pain, what with the ruthless waxing, eyebrow plucking, childbirth and, yes, pre-menstrual syndrome, that they must go through.
So, for those facing the crimson tide every month, I'm hereby declaring unconditional empathy from now.
Until my bout with food poisoning, PMS was a concept I had shelved alongside other confounding issues like The Meaning Of Life and The Joys Of Dieting.
In fact, my limited knowledge of the condition had led me to believe - falsely - that women friends use it as their given right to get upset, cranky or their own way.
I never quite understood before that PMS was the very reason they get cranky and upset in the first place.
Maybe I was cynical after watching classmates in junior college use 'cramps' to escape Physical Education and its treacherous 2.4-km runs, or how some women can skilfully turn PMS into MCs. Hey, I get regular periods of misery and discomfort, too, and they usually act up around the time I get my monthly salary.
I brood, I complain and the depression that overcomes me consumes entire mornings.But despite my unhappiness, I'm also well aware that my crankiness is nobody's fault.
But the thing about some women is that when they get hit by PMS, logic, fairness and reason seem to elude them altogether.They can get angry over anything and everything, and blame anyone and everyone, which they wouldn't pre- and post-PMS.
Perhaps this is the reason some men have a dismissive, even condescending, attitude towards PMS. If we appear unsympathetic, it's really because we hate to admit that we are helpless in dealing with something we know nothing about.
We cannot understand how, for up to 10 days a month, a woman's hormones can be in such turmoil that she becomes a different person - one very capable of picking fights out of thin air.
But I'm going to stick my neck out here and say: Every woman has the right to claim that her back hurts, her head aches, her stomach feels bloated, her chest is sore and that she's the most unattractive person in the building.
As suicidal as it sounds, men should listen closely when the women in their lives have PMS and agree humbly that she is right - even if it is about how you should not have forgotten the name of her uncle's youngest daughter's friend's dog.
However weird and unreasonable her complaints, they may be legitimate, and understanding them will help you - oh PMS-less one - understand her.
If she craves chocolate, give her some.
Let her indulge in shoes, or the thought of giving up her career to design shoes in Spain. Be used and abused.
Control the sarcasm when she cries during life insurance commercials.
Let her snap at you once, twice or 12 times, then vent your frustration at the gym. Constructive rage, I call it.
Whenever possible, explain patiently that you're aware of what she's dealing with, and be genuinely sympathetic.
After all, this is the best time to show her what a charmer you are - when she's most appreciative of compliments - and score brownie points for the other 20 days of the month where most men will regress to their normal unappreciative, boorish selves.
But, please, draw the line at those 10 PMS days. That's as much abuse as your manliness should allow.
A woman I admire simply for her profound love of shoes once told me: 'I don't take PMS seriously. It takes me seriously.'
I guess I won't argue with that.
& 4:19 pm