JC SiLent:You cant be that far away from me ; if we're looking on the same side of the moon
Thursday, May 25, 2006
the momment is coming..
desperate for attention, doing more stupid thing, crying , screaming, laughing nono-stop are some possible irrational thing i may do nxt wk.
if i irritate or disturb anyone , i'm very sorry cos i cannot think properly anymore.
till date i only torture my "mum" so i guess oth shld be safe?
my 'mum' is oso freaked out by her personal stuff. imagine 2 gals freaking out tog? maybe we will pat each oth's shoulder, hug each oth and cry tog?? too dramatic. my ' mum' will nt cry so easily in public. neither will i.
looking fwd to tonight movie "X-Men 3". hopefully it will be more exciting than Da Vinci lah. think the novel and related documentary are better than the movie. but if the director fully adopt the book, it will be extremely long movie.
hope to learn a skill or 2 fr Professor X Xavier. anyway the UOL micro lect reminds me of Prof X cos of his hairstyle. i wan to learn to read oth's mind. some jus lack the courage and motivation to say wat is in their mind or speak up. truth hurts so able to read oth's mind helps.
back to my notes, books, examiner's report...
& 10:56 am
Monday, May 22, 2006
these are abstract of SM and AL's blog which i absolutely agree.
audit paper / exam - abstract fr SM's blog
find it so amazing tat i can stare at the paper for 45 mins and can't make up my mind on which qns to do bcos all like nv see b4 de. at tat moment, my brain was 'dead' n i felt like taking it out n perform cpr on it but of course its not possible la. anyway i already anticipated it.
[i only decided the last qn to do during the last half an hr. my brain was blank. very unfamiliar qn lor. almost wan to die, scream and cry there. how i wish a 'hero''ll save me.. daydreaming again.
weird thoughts flooded my brain. bbq koi fish wif satay stick. wat if i fall into the koi pond? i may bang onto wall / glass when i was nt paying attention while i was walking. alot more lor..
So i sadly walked into the hall tat day, anticipating the worst. and the worst happened..
[i was so scared and stress the day before audit paper. told my gf tt i fear i forgot the audit paper. then i came to sch to study instead of heading to expo. maybe this is sign tt i want to run away fr reality?]
the rest're fr AL
job hunting's anoth stress
graduation is start of entering a graveyard or the start of a nightmare. In fact before graduation is already a fearful process.
After graduating, you need to look for a job ASAP for your own financial means as well as to be able to look good and nice on your resume.
If you are unable to find a job that soon, you are lagging behind your peers. Every second counts. If you find a job one day sooner, you have one more day’s salary to spend.
If you haven’t been looking for a job that actively or rested too much, your employer will doubt your reliability and capability for the job. In their eyes, you are one with no calibre. Good jobs are taken up fast. Whether you believe it or not, reality is cruel. It is a killing battle in the outside world.
When you get your first job, that marks your doom also! It is time for you to start to pay for your own expenses like phone bills, internet bills, utilities bills, etc. Not only that, you are expected to contribute an amount to the family, give your parents some allowances and also to reply your debts and loans for your edu.
[told you aft grad, job hunting are anoth sources of stress. this is endless lor..]
bgr
Not only you got to worry about your own survival fees, you also got to worry about finding a partner. Even if you are satisfied with your current lifestyle, people around you will pressurize you till a day you feel that you got to do something about it too. You see graduation is actually a snowball of all problems.
[for me, they are my frend. they are more anxious and scare tt i cannot 'sell myself out' lor. i'm only in my early 20s lor. is it necessary? one told me to noe
more frend. anoth told me nt to be discouraged and 'he' will come soon.
a few relatives have started asking if i am attached during this cny. no wonder some singles hate cny.. i can understd why.]
getting married at age 24 after 7 years of long courtship. 2 years ago, at age 22, which is my age, after graduating with a degree, she was probably talking about looking/choosing/buying a flat, preparing for house renovations, choosing a wedding date, wedding preparations etc. And what am I doing at age 22? I am still drinking milk!!
[hope to further my studies at 24 like doing a master to 'kill time' and learn more so i will nt be seen as stupid.
i cannot drink milk. so i have been drinking kopi and milo for abt 2 yr at WM. my 'mum' is so sick of it. she is the one who told me to noe more ppl and widen my circle. in hope tt someone else will accompany me to drink kopi. but mum , currently i anticiapte tt no one will wan to drink kopi wif me wan lah. you have to bear wif it for some time. poor thing.]
& 8:25 pm
to Angeline, Shu Min and all. hang in there.
heard fr DQ [msm lecturer] tt some cried in the exam hall when they saw their paper last exam. i did tt paper. i feel for them. i cried too. most qns are so tough and time consuming. i dun wan to cry in the exam hall. pray hard n keep my finger cross tt the rest of the papers're managable.
at least 2 have expressed their emotion on their blog. most either have collasped or on the verge of collaspe. feel for you guys.
i am nt in any better position lah. then i feel like dying cos of the stress fr microecon and the embarrassment involved [embarrassed / loss face till death] in asking 2 guys [strangers cos i dunno them before this]stupic qns abt microecon. i have overcome this barrier. i dun care alrdy lah if nt i'll be in worse shape. i dun understd till today why they noe everything. feel extremely inferior.
needs [n]: state of felt deprivation
wants [w]: needs influenced by each's personality and culture
[n] - a sholulder to lean on
[w] - a big broad dependable sholder to lean on when emotion hit me. i dun wan to go into detail abt this.
[n] - quality slp
[w] - quality slp w/o disturbance. can slp as long as i like. slp under my blanket when it rains. such cooling weather
[n] - [must] grad this yr
[w] - [must] grad this yr wif gd result and honour. hopefully i can get a better job
[n] - getway
[w] - put on disappearing acts . need some rest. want to go somewhere further like tibet or backpack in europe or accompany my 'mum' to 1 of the small island in m'sia to rest and relaxation or shopping trip to BKK / KL.
[n] - de-dtress
[w] - all who're stressed up can rest and relax. cry all we want if necessary. vent out the emotion is necessary at times. engage in post-exam activities.
[n] - "bf"
[w] - a guy to act as my 'bf' so tt my frends can stop worrying for me esp my 'mum'. guess it will temporary 'solve' the problem. but no one wants to take up this PT acting assignment
& 9:32 am